i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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