ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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