Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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