I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
