my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
