I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
