dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
