You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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