don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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