life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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