I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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