You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
