evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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