oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
