areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
