I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i permit you to call me
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
