i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
