Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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