Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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