how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Need sex. Gaining weight.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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