He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
