I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
