my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
