I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My hand turned me down
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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