so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
