ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
as a side note pls kill me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
