I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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