so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
