I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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