Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just invented taco cereal.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
