my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
