apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
