A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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