the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
