So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
