Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
