Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize