I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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