I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
