The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That accounts for only three of the penises
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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