Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
