apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
