um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
