okay pat passed out under dana's car
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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