She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
