i jhust puked up my retainher.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
