Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
