I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
