So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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