Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
