East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There r osticjed everywhere
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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