he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
These tits shall not be calmed
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