Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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