I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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