If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
