Duck Duck Cougar?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
