We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Your face is a jimmy john
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
