Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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