ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
