as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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