If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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