Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
