know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
