You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize