yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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