My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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