imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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