Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
A bitchslap is in order.
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