I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize